Comedic Conversation Seeker Gifts

I think it's time we started to see other people. This is so sudden when you consider...we met ten minutes ago.

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

"The first week back is always the hardest"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

How cats see their home

When psychiatry works too well!

'You misunderstand, squire. All I do is guarantee that my cars are USED!'

Dog on skates.

'Yes, I'm a temp. Why do you ask?'

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

"Wrong hole!"

"I'm trying to find the end of this roll of tape ..."

Men telling stories

"This model comes loaded with options, including a parking space in your neighborhood."

"Now I'll read a selection from the book I have chosen. Sift a quarter cup of flour into a bowl. . ."

"There's a smidgen of Charlie Rose about you."

"Actually, I'm not a New York Yankees fan. I'm a New York Yankees cap fan."

Too-Humble Pie.

"You're rambling again Dennis."

"No, being heavy enough to wear a sports bra doesn't make you an athlete."

'All I see is red ink!'

Doctor's advice.

'It's that time of year again, so I'm going through the motions of being good for goodness sake. What are you doing?'

'If I buy ten pints and a dozen eggs will you snog me?'

"If you are still unhappy with your current allowance compensation, may I once more suggest to you a life of crime."

"If I wanted to hear about family values I'd go home."

"I didn't think it was 'hush-hush'. You didn't lower your voice an octave."