Comedic Conversation Seeker Gifts

I think it's time we started to see other people. This is so sudden when you consider...we met ten minutes ago.

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

When psychiatry works too well!

'It wasn't the strength of your argument. It was your breath.'

How cats see their home

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

"The first week back is always the hardest"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'You misunderstand, squire. All I do is guarantee that my cars are USED!'

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

So, what disturbing topic would you like to talk about today, Al? How about your new combover, Doctor?

'Yes, I'm a temp. Why do you ask?'

Dog on skates.

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

"Wrong hole!"

Men telling stories

"I'm trying to find the end of this roll of tape ..."

"Now I'll read a selection from the book I have chosen. Sift a quarter cup of flour into a bowl. . ."

Ernie, that's not what he meant when he said, "Listen closely to what I'm going to tell you."

"This model comes loaded with options, including a parking space in your neighborhood."

"There's a smidgen of Charlie Rose about you."

"Actually, I'm not a New York Yankees fan. I'm a New York Yankees cap fan."

Too-Humble Pie.

"You're rambling again Dennis."

'All I see is red ink!'

"No, being heavy enough to wear a sports bra doesn't make you an athlete."

Doctor's advice.

'It's that time of year again, so I'm going through the motions of being good for goodness sake. What are you doing?'

'If I buy ten pints and a dozen eggs will you snog me?'

Haven't your eyes gotten tired of reading after 150 years? If you're waiting for that to get a rise out of me

"If you are still unhappy with your current allowance compensation, may I once more suggest to you a life of crime."

"If I wanted to hear about family values I'd go home."