Comedic Interpretation Seeker Gifts

Ernie, that's not what he meant when he said, "Listen closely to what I'm going to tell you."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

Lambo

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

"The first week back is always the hardest"

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

When psychiatry works too well!

How cats see their home

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

'You misunderstand, squire. All I do is guarantee that my cars are USED!'

'I thought I told you not to play 'foreclosure eviction' with your sister's doll house!'

"I have to go wee-wee."

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Let me give you some advice on marriage, Joe. . . try to think of me as the pope. . .'

"Do I look like the sort who knows anything about lawns?"

I'm a logofile, Lance. That means I'm a lover of words. What's the word for a lover of logs? "#@%=$!"

"I like to be disciplined about my writing, sharpening my pencils and organising my desk in the morning which leaves me time for writers block after lunch and a nervous breakdown in the evening."

"Of course, at present Mademoiselle's neck is too long, but our Mr. Francis is going to change all that."

"I'm trying to find the end of this roll of tape ..."

One door closes, another opens. I used to have a car like that!

"He won't get far without this!"

"Of course I flunked the spelling test. My pencil doesn't have spell check!"

'Look at this baby, just in from Italy. You'll have to fight off the chicks, Man.'

"I'm a freelance radiologist."

'And, if elected, I promise to reach across the aisle, if you know what I mean...'

"Wrong hole!"

Gurus wise words on lost socks

"You need to put in 10,000 hours."

Garden stagger

'All I see is red ink!'

"Travel book says do not land on Earth unless you have your own health insurance."

Wanna step outside and say that?! Don't beat yourself up. At least not until you've put something on.