Comedic Perspective Seeker Gifts

When psychiatry works too well!

Zoo: No Hunting.

'This chair ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"My computer just texted me."

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"Don't think of it as hell. . . just think of it as a normally recurring seasonal weather pattern."

"Hey! This is news."

Glimpses One Dollar

'I can't understand how those burglars could clean out our house so quietly.'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

"We should take life one step at a time." "OK, but not right now...there's some dogs do-do right in front of us!"

'I'm knitting you sweater... do you want it too big or too small?'

I think of "The Fusco Brothers" as a modern-day "Bonanza." Only instead of four cowboys, we have four bums, and instead of a cook named Hop Sing, we have a wolverine named Axel. Is there a term for this fantasy? "Ponderosa Nervosa."

Tonight's Lecture: Your share of the national debt. That explains my credit rating.

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

Tree growing

Men and Women's changing rooms

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

How cats see their home

Lambo

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

'You thought I'd gone out of business? What gave you that idea?'

"Wait a minute! - First you say, 'Lay up treasures in Heaven,' and then you say, 'You can't take it with you'!"

Screenwasher cleaning buggy.

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

"I have an existential dread of falling off your couch."