Comedic Insight Seeker Gifts

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

'All I see is red ink!'

How cats see their home

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Who's got the hammer?"

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

Zoo: No Hunting.

Breast Height Chart

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

Lambo

'I don't remember his name, but he also sold me $14,000 worth of aluminum siding.'

Pirate Paddle Boat.

Tree growing

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

When psychiatry works too well!

I think of "The Fusco Brothers" as a modern-day "Bonanza." Only instead of four cowboys, we have four bums, and instead of a cook named Hop Sing, we have a wolverine named Axel. Is there a term for this fantasy? "Ponderosa Nervosa."

'... and then he slammed the door in my face...'