Comedic Advice Seeker Gifts

'I think your anger may derive from the fact that you're driving a minivan.'

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

Breast Height Chart

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

Biological Alarm Clock.

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

Joe, this is not my idea of 'paint night at the bar.'

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

'... and then he slammed the door in my face...'

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

Pirate Paddle Boat.

'Will you tell the dog I live here!'

When psychiatry works too well!

How cats see their home

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'That time of year, eh Ben, don't know whether to go hunting or fishing?'

"You keep him busy while I go for help."

'It's your lucky day. I just went vegan.'

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

"That's it - we've eaten the last of the energy bills."

'These lousy free-range chickens think that they just own the whole world!'