Comedic Relief Seeker Gifts

"You keep him busy while I go for help."

No Worries - Next 1/8 Mile

Attention Deficit Disorder Anonymous.

"If it's any consolation, toward the end he was high as a kite."

'And if my marriage counseling doesn't help, you'll be please to learn I'm also a divorce attorney!'

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'You must continue your therapy because it provides stability and security. . . at least it does for me!'

'You're out of shape, Smith. So, from now on, you're no longer allowed to use the elevator. I want you to climb the building to get to your office.'

'You can't just move out and leave me here with your father.'

"I'm afraid there's a shadow on your lung"

'I'd say you're looking at about $1,700.'

"The bad news....we have to remove the leg. The good news...No more unused odd socks!"

To discourage cheating, SAT organizers announced that undercover agents would be present to put down wrong answers.'

"Thanks for calling the therapy helpline. For anxiety issues, press 1. For relationship advice, press 2. For anger management, throw the phone across the room..."

'It's your lucky day. I just went vegan.'

Customer sees sign on Bridal Shop window: Closed while I'm getting a divorce.

'And how long have you had this fear of heights, Mr. Fernandez?'

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

'Not the repair manual. Bring me the book of mechanics' curse words.'

Breast Height Chart

"That's it - we've eaten the last of the energy bills."

'What's this bank charge of £35?'

'Mr. Williams will see you now.'

"That's just my husband taking a shower. We have very hard water."

'When does squirrel season open?'

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"And next, I'd like to extend a warm welcome to anyone who's here for their first meeting of Clockwatchers Anonymous."

"Who's got the hammer?"

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

Your ability to work under pressure is evident.

"I've lost the ability to make eye contact"

"All the ingredients are inactive."

'He's decided not to have a mid life crisis-he thinks it could be too expensive.'

I wouldn't make an offer until you get the inspector's report. For sale.

"It's mineral water, sir - of course there are rocks and sand in it."