Comedic Relief Gifts

'I'm out of air, the shark has my leg,I have the bends, you can be such a whiner!'

"Anesthesia? We'd prefer not to risk adding to the drug epidemic, so just bite down on this stick."

'Say, Doc - now that there's new people in charge, think they'll help the uninsured families with their health care?'

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

'I want just enough work done so I'll qualify for Handicapped Parking.'

"Your resume says you specialize in field work."

"I posted dozens of cat pictures on social media to meet women. Then one dated me and ran off with my cat."

Baldo suggests getting a frying pan for his tia and she hits him in the head with it.

"This internship is humiliating."

"Remember, they're usually in the last place you'd look."

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

Fisherman catches a woman's dress with a rod.

"I guess I'll never understand women."

'No I haven't caught any fish.However, I feel I've gained valuable experience from today's events!'

'Isn't that kind - playing mine and Henry's tune on hold!'

'Wait a second...I think I left my straightener on.'

'Casual Friday is ONLY Friday! It doesn't carry over and include Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday!'

"Don't leave! We haven't tried marriage yet!"

"I tried self-hypnosis to quit smoking. Unfortunately, I have no memory of it."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Who's got the hammer?"

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Breast Height Chart

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'What makes you think no-one understands you?'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'