Comedic Therapy Gifts

"Would you mind turning down your Walkman just a little!"

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"I guess I'll never understand women."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Your resume says you specialize in field work."

Flying Ear Specialist

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

'We offer counselling for customers with gearbox issues.'

Baldo suggests getting a frying pan for his tia and she hits him in the head with it.

"This internship is humiliating."

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

"I posted dozens of cat pictures on social media to meet women. Then one dated me and ran off with my cat."

"Don't leave! We haven't tried marriage yet!"

"Could I do this with an imaginary friend?"

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

'I want just enough work done so I'll qualify for Handicapped Parking.'

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

'I want a divorce, Lenny.'