Comedic Care Gifts

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

Caution. Slippery when wet.

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

"I guess I'll never understand women."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

Flying Ear Specialist

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

"Your resume says you specialize in field work."

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

"This internship is humiliating."

Baldo suggests getting a frying pan for his tia and she hits him in the head with it.

I hate to tell you this, but that's a can of maple syrup, not motor oil.

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupunture needles should go?"

'No appointments are available for the next three months, but you can always call in to the doctor's talk show.'

"Would you mind turning down your Walkman just a little!"