Comedic Health Advisor Gifts

Social Security Medicare Office - Now Hiring Phd In Theoretical Mathematics to Explain the Medicare Drug Options.

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"5 second rule!"

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

Flying Ear Specialist

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

'We offer counselling for customers with gearbox issues.'

With Friends Like These

'...You are on a waiting list to be ill.'

"Well, yes, high heels do often cause foot problems..."

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

'I want a divorce, Lenny.'

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

"Poor sod, never a fag in his live, big C got him just the same."

'A good rule of thumb is never to eat anything that won't fit into your microwave.'

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

"Ashley wanted to play doctor, but I'm trying to stay out of the health care debate."

NHS Downloads.

'Al has vowed to climb the Food Pyramid...one mouthful at a time.'

'So, you're a serious investor? Lighten up!'

"I yelled 'shazam' and there was lightning and a big explosion. They say I was unconcious for two hours."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you – hammering away at my credibility."

'Son, time to learn about the magic words every man must know to survive a marriage..'

Missing The Problem

'He can't stand the sight of blood.'

Eating Pills