Comedic Health Advisor Pillows

Social Security Medicare Office - Now Hiring Phd In Theoretical Mathematics to Explain the Medicare Drug Options.

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

Flying Ear Specialist

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

'We offer counselling for customers with gearbox issues.'

'...You are on a waiting list to be ill.'

"Well, yes, high heels do often cause foot problems..."

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

'I want a divorce, Lenny.'

'A good rule of thumb is never to eat anything that won't fit into your microwave.'

"Poor sod, never a fag in his live, big C got him just the same."

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

"Ashley wanted to play doctor, but I'm trying to stay out of the health care debate."

'Son, time to learn about the magic words every man must know to survive a marriage..'

'Al has vowed to climb the Food Pyramid...one mouthful at a time.'

"You're enjoying this, aren't you – hammering away at my credibility."

NHS Downloads.

'So, you're a serious investor? Lighten up!'

"I yelled 'shazam' and there was lightning and a big explosion. They say I was unconcious for two hours."

Missing The Problem

'He can't stand the sight of blood.'

Eating Pills

'We've already restructured, reorganised, reformed and reformatted...so we've only got fucking it up left.'

'This Viagra nasal spray gives me nose bleeds.'