Comedic Health Enthusiast Pillows

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'Al has vowed to climb the Food Pyramid...one mouthful at a time.'

Man crushed by health food

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

Jeff was watching his weight.

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

Flying Ear Specialist

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

'He's so unlucky that he gets into accidents that started happening to someone else.'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

"Four out of five doctors recommend that you get up and get some exercise."

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

With Friends Like These

Eskimo in Igloo

'Hmm...Sofa sores. This is becoming increasingly common in fat blokes.'

'He doesn't like to be called an Optometrist. He prefers the title 'Visionary'!'

Hmmm, this reminds me...your mother called last night.

"Also, this apartment comes with easy access to the stray cats in the alley."