Comedic Healthy Eaters Pillows

New Years Resolution.

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Do you want toast with that?'

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

Jeff was watching his weight.

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

Dessert Storm Veteran

'I know you're in a hurry, so I ran all the leftovers through the blender.'

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

"Are you the gent who complained about cold soup?"

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

'All you can eat, burgers.'

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

'Your fitness program really should include more exercise than just pushing yourself away from the table...'

Salsa on a Stick.

'Hmm...Sofa sores. This is becoming increasingly common in fat blokes.'

Mom's Home-Deforested Cooking!

Chinese noodles.

"Well, yes, high heels do often cause foot problems..."

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

'That's not what I had in mind when I asked for some encouragement!'

"When the next lockdown comes, I might actually get on it."

"It's not having seconds that's the problem. It's having fifths and sixths!"

"I have no trouble losing weight...it's just that I'm better at finding it."

"I like to mix up my exercise routine, usually with sitting on the sofa drinking beer!"

'A candy bar and cheese crackers? You call that a balanced lunch?'