Comedic Healthy Eaters Gifts

New Years Resolution.

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Do you want toast with that?'

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

Jeff was watching his weight.

'I know you're in a hurry, so I ran all the leftovers through the blender.'

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

Dessert Storm Veteran

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

'All you can eat, burgers.'

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

"Are you the gent who complained about cold soup?"

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.

'Your fitness program really should include more exercise than just pushing yourself away from the table...'

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

Salsa on a Stick.

'Hmm...Sofa sores. This is becoming increasingly common in fat blokes.'

Chinese noodles.

When your trainer said stretching is a key component of your new fitness program, she wasn't talking about your stomach!

Mom's Home-Deforested Cooking!

"Well, yes, high heels do often cause foot problems..."

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

'That's not what I had in mind when I asked for some encouragement!'

"It's not having seconds that's the problem. It's having fifths and sixths!"

"I have no trouble losing weight...it's just that I'm better at finding it."

"When the next lockdown comes, I might actually get on it."

"I like to mix up my exercise routine, usually with sitting on the sofa drinking beer!"