Comedic Paleo Gifts

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Do you want toast with that?'

'That was the best 'Filet Magnon' I've had in a while.'

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Paleo Camp

Dessert Storm Veteran

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

'The stems are better for you.'

'All you can eat, burgers.'

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

"Are you the gent who complained about cold soup?"

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.

'Your fitness program really should include more exercise than just pushing yourself away from the table...'

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

Salsa on a Stick.

'Letting you pick up the check will help you stay on your diet.'

'I'm not 'out of shape' — I'm evolved!'

Mom's Home-Deforested Cooking!

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

When your trainer said stretching is a key component of your new fitness program, she wasn't talking about your stomach!

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

'That's not what I had in mind when I asked for some encouragement!'