Comedic Paleo Pillows

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Do you want toast with that?'

'That was the best 'Filet Magnon' I've had in a while.'

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

"Tia Carmen, I think I'm growing up. I ate five slices of cold pizza at 3 in the morning...and I woke up with a stomachache."

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Dessert Storm Veteran

Paleo Camp

'The stems are better for you.'

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

'All you can eat, burgers.'

"Are you the gent who complained about cold soup?"

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.

'Your fitness program really should include more exercise than just pushing yourself away from the table...'

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

Salsa on a Stick.

'I'm not 'out of shape' — I'm evolved!'

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

'Letting you pick up the check will help you stay on your diet.'

Mom's Home-Deforested Cooking!

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

'That's not what I had in mind when I asked for some encouragement!'

"I have no trouble losing weight...it's just that I'm better at finding it."