Comedic Dieter Gifts

'Your fitness program really should include more exercise than just pushing yourself away from the table...'

"I like to mix up my exercise routine, usually with sitting on the sofa drinking beer!"

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Woman and sport trainer

"You're suffering from an overdose of food."

'Work the ring! Use the Jab! Watch out for the left hook! And turn off your iPod.'

"Here's the deal. If it tastes good, don't eat it."

I've been on this green leafy diet for months...

'You're going to go on a diet.'

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

Cream tea...without the cream,butter or jam and no milk with the tea!

'Weight loss can cause liver damage...'

"We ought to give this diet a name."

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

"The clouds of heaven have a load limit of 65 KG! Everyone over the load limit sinks down to Hell! 65,3 KG! You should not have eaten that last cake!"

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

Giant ape eating human as advised by diet book

"This Subway Diet is way better than that Atkins nonsense."

"Harold, I think your obsession about your weight is getting out of hand!"

'We no longer serve trans-fats. Would you like some lettuce broth?'

New Years Resolution.

'Al has vowed to climb the Food Pyramid...one mouthful at a time.'

'This is especially rough on me -- I'm a compulsive eater.'

No thanks, Bill, I'm allergic to chocolate. It makes me break out in pounds.