Chronic Dieter Gifts

Cream tea...without the cream,butter or jam and no milk with the tea!

'Weight loss can cause liver damage...'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

"I think my fat has GPS. Every time I lose some, it always finds its way back home."

'Tomorrow we'll just have lettuce and water, OK.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

Woman and sport trainer

"You're suffering from an overdose of food."

A diet high in cholesterol can be dangerous to your health.

'You're going to go on a diet.'

"He tried intermittent fasting. But settled on continual slowing."

One week after new year. The rest of the year.

'Your fitness program really should include more exercise than just pushing yourself away from the table...'

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

'I've started this new 'Detox' diet - no caffeine or alcohol...no processed foods...

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

"The clouds of heaven have a load limit of 65 KG! Everyone over the load limit sinks down to Hell! 65,3 KG! You should not have eaten that last cake!"

'Every Friday I tell you not to eat so much, but do you ever listen?'

"This Subway Diet is way better than that Atkins nonsense."

"Another diet?"

'No, I didn't cheat on Bob. It was worse than that. I cheated on my diet.'

'Yes, finally, Stanley found a diet that really help him to lose weight.'

There's a thin person inside me trying to get out...probably more than one.

The Fast Diet

"I like to mix up my exercise routine, usually with sitting on the sofa drinking beer!"

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.