Dieting Dieter Gifts

'You're going to go on a diet.'

'This is especially rough on me -- I'm a compulsive eater.'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"You're right, there is no such thing as diet pizza. The box is empty."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

In the Guru District

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Any time is cake o'clock

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

"Where do we put Desserts?"

On the back of the t-shirt...

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

Bad for you but to die for

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

How about going easy on the carbs