Dieting Gifts

"Lookin' good, Frosty!"

Vending machines. Junk food. Robotic surgery.

'I have your test results. Your sugar is too high.'

'I hope this is gluten-free!'

"I work out so I don't have to eat kale."

"Medicine is giving the eat-drink-and-be-merry model another look."

"I want you to cut down on the salt lick!"

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

"You've got the blood pressure of a teenager ? who lives on junk food, TV and the computer."

New Studies Show All Foods Bad For You.

'I limit myself to one glass of wine a day.'

Group of people lift elephant on seesaw

What Can We Do To Lose Weight?

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'Your weight problem is partly genetic and partly Boston Cream pie.'

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

Chicken and the Food Pyramid,

'I find my weight is fine for my height.' (Hippo on stilts).

'When I learned 'You are what you eat', I realized I was nuts.'

'Oh yeah...a diet soda, too.'

'Every year it's the same thing. I resolve to lose a ton and you say you're going to control your anger.'

Deluded pear thinks she has a slim body shape.

'Let's start by lowering your dosage of Omega-3.'

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

Frankenfish

"Try to get more exercise."

Doris' diy bum lifts proved to be a great weight-loss method.

'Hi, my name's Krystyn, and I'll be the nutritionist liaison to your waiter tonight.'

'How do we bake such delicious large muffins that have only 20 calories? Easy, false advertising.'

'It's called hipposuction.'

'How many calories do you burn by downloading apps?'

'It's the new iPed. It's a pedometer, a GPS, and it has apps that show you the nearest ice cream parlors and dessert shops.'

'It's partly glandular and partly 8,500 calories per day.'

'I'm not sure how to break this to you all... the Atkins diet is back.'