Diet Gifts

"Oh, it's the best thing since small-batch, artisanal, unsliced bread."

"Should we pick up something for the folks who don't eat red meat?"

'When I learned, 'you are what you eat', I realised I was nuts.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

"Surgery is scheduled six weeks from today. Don't eat anything before then."

Marrow transplants

"Apparently, it's extremely bad for the heart. But I wouldn't worry ??" it only affects people who have one."

"You need to include more calcium in your diet."

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

'Take more vitamins... Well maybe you shouldn't take so many vitamins.'

"Wait, are you Gluten Free?"

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Oh no, it's a text from my doctor advising me against eating the steak I just posted on Twitpic.

"I'm a doctor from the future, with revolutionary health advice. Exercise, drink plenty of water and eat your veggies."

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

'If he's good, let him have a - I'll spell it - K ... F ... C ...'

Mosquito Worry About Saturated Fats

"I have no idea what gluten is, either, but I'm avoiding it, just to be safe."

"And for all you people with food allergies, this next song's lyrics contain no gluten or peanuts."

'You're a fat bastard and you should go on a diet.'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

Healthy Chocolate Co.

"I bought a metric scale. I'll no longer be disappointed with my weight because I won't know what it means."

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

Snowman wife to husband eating ice cream: 'Remember what the diabetes counselor said, Hal - you are what you eat.'

'That sweater would fit you better if you would diet.' 'Okay, what colour should I dye it?'

Why Rome Fell:'Peel you a grape? Don't you know that the skin is where all the vitamins are?'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"Put an olive in it please. My doctor told me to eat more greens!"

"When I say I'm rich I don't just mean in Omega 3 oils."

"How can I lose weight when I don't like any of this month's Top 10 Workout Songs?"

Fresh Corn and Dental Floss farmstands.