Diets Gifts

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

'I can't figure it out. I swim all day and I can't lose weight.'

Health Shops

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread!', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff.'

'Now you tell me you've gone vegan?'

'I'm working off Saturday's sundae.'

"Extra pickles on your burger doesn't mean you're eating a plant-based diet."

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

The four major food groups.

'Now with 30% less crap you can't even pronounce!'

'Okay, the outfit COULD have shrunk since last year, but not the belt!'

"This paleo diet is a lot of work. Maybe we should eat grains."

'Here's your new diet.' - 'A stick of celery?' - 'Lick it once at breakfast, once at lunchtime.' - 'And then eat it for dinner, right?' - 'Not until Week 6' - 'Gah.'

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

Toilet roll beauty tips.

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

'If we could just figure out some high-energy diet, we wouldn't have to spend the hole day eating.'

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

Saturated Fat...Might Work.

'Do you want flies with that?'

'We no longer serve trans-fats. Would you like some lettuce broth?'

'When I said there was a thin person inside me screaming to get out, I didn't mean it LITERALLY!'

New 'Vores

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'Being a vegetarian isn't a matter of principle for me — I just prefer biting things that don't bite back.'

"We may want to review the fibre levels in our diet..."

"I've started a new diet. I'm supposed to put Worcestershire sauce on everything I eat."

Pumpkin diet.

"The Sullivans have food allergies. Did you remember to bring your own gluten?"

"Where's the nutritional information this thing?"

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

'What are they teaching you in school?!'

"Have you bee dieting? I swear you're thinner!"

Health Foods; "When did I ever eat back pain and trigger fingers?"