Dietary Choices Gifts

"We tried a vegan Thanksgiving this year, but our family still showed up."

'Meat or anti-meat section?'

"Ever feel a teensy bit guilty when they're a vegan?"

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

'I've never thought about it as a moral statement; I've just always been a vegetarian.'

"I was arguing with a bunch of vegetarians. One thing led to another and I wound up eating something that disagreed with me."

'Troubled about eating meat? Ethicist on the premises.'

'We do not discuss soybeans on these premises, Mrs. Grommet.'

'If it's wrong to eat animals, why are they made of meat?.'

Frozen burgers... veggie burgers.

'For Sheila it wasn't enough just to be a vegetarian, that's why she became a ruminant.'

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

Vegetable Soup for the Soul

'NOW you tell me you're a VEGETARIAN!'

'I'm glad I'm a carnivore: Nobody forces me to eat my vegetables...'

'This snack is vegan. It's 100% artificial ingredients.'

"Well, it seems we've run out of condemned criminals and Christians. Do you think maybe we could keep the crowd happy if we tried throwing in some overly strident vegans?"

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

'Mom, as an environmentally aware teenager, I don't eat meat anymore. From now on, I'll eat green jelly beans only.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'She's a vegetarian.'

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

A vegetarian cursing a cow.

"So, you were just pretending to be vegan?"

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

"Two vegans, please."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Soup of the month.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

The discovery of asparagus.

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."