Food Selection Gifts

'They have an excellent frozen food section, but not much of anything else.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"Two vegans, please."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Heart Disease Menu

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

"We use only free-range chicken and suicidal veal."

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

'Let's get some lunch in here. I don't trust my gut instincts on an empty stomach.'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

"...while 86 million prefer grilled cheese, and 57.4 million of them like mustard on it."

'This snack is vegan. It's 100% artificial ingredients.'

'NOW you tell me you're a VEGETARIAN!'

"I started my vegetarianism for health reasons, then it became a moral choice, and now it's just to annoy people."

'Troubled about eating meat? Ethicist on the premises.'

"We have our round cuts and these are our budget cuts."

'For Sheila it wasn't enough just to be a vegetarian, that's why she became a ruminant.'

"If we go vegan, can we eat pollen, but not nectar or vice versa or both or neither?"

A vegetarian cursing a cow.

"Ever feel a teensy bit guilty when they're a vegan?"

"Well, it seems we've run out of condemned criminals and Christians. Do you think maybe we could keep the crowd happy if we tried throwing in some overly strident vegans?"

"So, you were just pretending to be vegan?"