Food Selection Pillows

'They have an excellent frozen food section, but not much of anything else.'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"Two vegans, please."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Heart Disease Menu

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"But Herman, we can't just throw in the towel like that."

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

"We use only free-range chicken and suicidal veal."

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

'Let's get some lunch in here. I don't trust my gut instincts on an empty stomach.'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."

'NOW you tell me you're a VEGETARIAN!'

'This snack is vegan. It's 100% artificial ingredients.'

"...while 86 million prefer grilled cheese, and 57.4 million of them like mustard on it."

"I started my vegetarianism for health reasons, then it became a moral choice, and now it's just to annoy people."

'Troubled about eating meat? Ethicist on the premises.'

'For Sheila it wasn't enough just to be a vegetarian, that's why she became a ruminant.'

"Vegetarian" is such a predictable phase. You'll grow out of it. Teddy? A word please. Come on, dad! You know I'm right. You may be. But your sister is stubborn. She digs in her heels. So? You added 5 years to her predictable vegetarian phase. I didn't predict that. Best colleges for Vegetarians.

"If we go vegan, can we eat pollen, but not nectar or vice versa or both or neither?"

A vegetarian cursing a cow.

"We have our round cuts and these are our budget cuts."

You've got to stop condescending to the customers. Whatever do you mean? You abuse them for not recycling, for eating high-fructose sugar, for watching reality tv shows. Hardly. I absolutely understand that some people who have not been blessed with a high level of education and information make foolish divisions. It's not their fault. Condescending! Good use of a big word. HOJ.

"Ever feel a teensy bit guilty when they're a vegan?"

'She's a vegetarian.'