New Diet Gifts

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

Soup of the month.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

The discovery of asparagus.

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

Vegetarian Birds

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Garlic Free Zone.

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Vegetarian is an old Indian word which means bad hunter.'

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Looking at magnetic polarity one understands why an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

"You won’t need refills."

Macho Vegetarian

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.