New Diet Commitment Gifts

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

Garlic Free Zone.

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

"Keep goin', Harry. No pain, no gain!"

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

January Joiner

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'