New Diet Commitment Pillows

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Garlic Free Zone.

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

It's okay -- I'm training for the 2020 Olympics.

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

January Joiner

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"

"Keep goin', Harry. No pain, no gain!"

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet