New Diet Regime Gifts

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

Soup of the month.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

The discovery of asparagus.

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Garlic Free Zone.

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Vegetarian is an old Indian word which means bad hunter.'

Looking at magnetic polarity one understands why an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

"You won’t need refills."

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Macho Vegetarian

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

'Most, yes, but they're not all carcinogenic!'

“Children hate me.”