Starting A New Diet Plan Gifts

Weight Loss Clinic.

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

Garlic Free Zone.

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"Carrots just didn't get me going anymore, so I switched to chocolate instead..."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"How come portion control doesn't apply to broccoli?"

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

'This scale is gaining weight!'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Attack of the 'health' foods

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Hip Hop Physician: 'Put a halt on salt and cut back on fat. Are you down with that?'

"Gracie, I think you've made your point. We can't completely remove meat from this family's diet...but we will try very hard to cut back, OK?"

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"