Starting A Special Diet Gifts

'It's wheat-free, dairy-free, fat-free, nut-free, sugar-free and salt-free...enjoy!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

Garlic Free Zone.

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

"How come portion control doesn't apply to broccoli?"

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

Attack of the 'health' foods

"Ack! This stuff's hard to eat!"

'This scale is gaining weight!'

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

Hip Hop Physician: 'Put a halt on salt and cut back on fat. Are you down with that?'

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'