Starting A Diet Gifts

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

Doctor: 'Your discomfort may well be a bandwidth issue.'

'Diet patch, stop-smoking patch, birth control patch...'

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

"It may help as part of your weight loss campaign...but it's a little extreme"

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'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

'Popcorn, carrot cake, and potato chips do not count as three servings of vegetables.'

"I'm moving to France to not get fat."

'I still say you haven't given the diet a fair chance.'

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'You know, I wouldn't mind all this fiber if I could smoke it.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"How's the new diet working out?"

How's the diet going? - 'The first 8 minutes has been tough.' - 'How come?' - 'I had to skip my pre-mid morning post-mini-brunch snack.' - 'I don't think I can take it anymore...' - 'Hang in there, big guy...' -

'I'm trying to lose weight. How much does underwear weigh?'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

"Careful, don't bite off more than you can chew!"

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

'It's like going on a diet. You don't get fat overnight, so you can't expect to lose it all overnight.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if we just got more heavier friends?'

"How come portion control doesn't apply to broccoli?"

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

"He'll have the salad."

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

I only weigh 95 kilograms...That's 210...in pounds!

'Take one of these each morning for a week and that should suppress your appetite.'

'I always watch what I eat - right up until it disappears into my mouth.'

'Are you over 18 stone?'

'This is why they call them 'rolls'.'