Dietary Lifestyle Gifts

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Soup of the month.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"Two vegans, please."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

The discovery of asparagus.

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

Secretive Weigh In.

Exercise Class

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Exercising

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

'Yes I do notice an improvement. Your chins don't juggle anymore.'

Man to woman leaving health club: 'The instructor said I had lots of body definition ... plump, rotund, obese, heavy ...'

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."