Dietary Lifestyle Gifts

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Soup of the month.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

The discovery of asparagus.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"Two vegans, please."

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

Exercise Class

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

Exercising

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

"Charles didn't like tofu."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

Man to woman leaving health club: 'The instructor said I had lots of body definition ... plump, rotund, obese, heavy ...'

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Yes I do notice an improvement. Your chins don't juggle anymore.'

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'