Unhealthy Lifestyle Gifts

"I hate my gym."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Man on exercise bike with dog on treadmill

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

On the back of the t-shirt...

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

The Fast Lane.

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Exercise Class

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

'All those vegetables Mom's been feeding me finally paid off. I'm a squash.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

To do before Saturday...

Secretive Weigh In.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Pollyanna, your teeth are shot. Stop sugar coating everything!"

Exercising

"Yes, also it keeps you fit."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

"I think globally, but I tend to pollute locally."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"