Dieter Gifts

Fast Food Death

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"...there, I found it. Stellar! I love this nutrition app!"

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

Woman and sport trainer

"You're suffering from an overdose of food."

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

'You're going to go on a diet.'

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

'I've started this new 'Detox' diet - no caffeine or alcohol...no processed foods...

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

No wonder I feel so bloated. They said this was No. Cal.'

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

Weight Watchers: StOUT and thIN Desk Organizers

"The clouds of heaven have a load limit of 65 KG! Everyone over the load limit sinks down to Hell! 65,3 KG! You should not have eaten that last cake!"

"I bought a metric scale. I'll no longer be disappointed with my weight because I won't know what it means."

'With a grin like that you can't be sticking to your diet'

'It looks like your computer may block cookies, but you don't.'

'The little woman hide the remote control, and I've lost ten pounds looking for it!'

"No . . . erasing food-search-apps from your browser history doesn't count as dieting."

'I don't mind pigging out as long as it's not on empty calories.'

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.

'Fancy a liquid lunch?'

"This Subway Diet is way better than that Atkins nonsense."

'I lost twelve pounds.'