Dieter Gifts

Fast Food Death

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"...there, I found it. Stellar! I love this nutrition app!"

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'Of course I followed the diet religiously. I do everything religiously.'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

Woman and sport trainer

'I try to watch what I eat, but my eyes aren't always fast enough...'

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

"You're suffering from an overdose of food."

'You're going to go on a diet.'

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

'I've started this new 'Detox' diet - no caffeine or alcohol...no processed foods...

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

"The clouds of heaven have a load limit of 65 KG! Everyone over the load limit sinks down to Hell! 65,3 KG! You should not have eaten that last cake!"

"I bought a metric scale. I'll no longer be disappointed with my weight because I won't know what it means."

'The little woman hide the remote control, and I've lost ten pounds looking for it!'

"This Subway Diet is way better than that Atkins nonsense."

'Fancy a liquid lunch?'

"No . . . erasing food-search-apps from your browser history doesn't count as dieting."

'With a grin like that you can't be sticking to your diet'

'It looks like your computer may block cookies, but you don't.'

'I don't mind pigging out as long as it's not on empty calories.'

I still think the anti-personnel mines are a bit over the top.

'I lost twelve pounds.'

'You're right. I should watch what I eat. From now on, I'll leave the refrigerator door open so the light shines on my midnight snack.'

'I'm on three different diets. That way I get to eat more.'