Quirky Dieter Gifts

'I'm on three different diets. That way I get to eat more.'

"Could you just tell the specials are low cal? I'm on this new placebo diet."

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

"I became a vegetarian just to annoy people."

Vegetarian Birds

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Man with a pizza in 'Lover's Lane.'

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'Tomorrow we'll just have lettuce and water, OK.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'What I like about these diet pills is that they're chocolate covered.'

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

Fruits and vegetables

"I'm on the 'half and half' diet. I eat half and my dog eats the other half."

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

'Everytime there's a thaw, I lose a lot of weight.'

Weight Watchers: StOUT and thIN Desk Organizers

No wonder I feel so bloated. They said this was No. Cal.'

"I bought a metric scale. I'll no longer be disappointed with my weight because I won't know what it means."

The Fast Diet

Jogging incentives.

Are you sticking with your resolution to lose weight? No, the South Beach diet wasn't working for me --- I hate sand in my food.

Fantasy Diet League

'Fancy a liquid lunch?'

'With a grin like that you can't be sticking to your diet'

Weight loss clinic, in and out doors.