Quirky Dieters Gifts

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

Overweight Woman Cheating On Scales.

Vegetarian Birds

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."

Waiter to diner: 'I'm going to return you to the main menu.'

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

Live yogurt.

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

'...and it has much less cholesterol than beef.'

"I'm on the 'half and half' diet. I eat half and my dog eats the other half."

Need to block those Cookies Santa!

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

Weight Watchers: StOUT and thIN Desk Organizers

I Speak Your Weight: "Lay off the pizza and chips!"

No wonder I feel so bloated. They said this was No. Cal.'

"It's an unpretentious little eatery..."

'Super size mine. Who knows when Mr. Money Bags will take me out grazing again.'

Are you still doing that canary goldfish combo?

'I don't mind pigging out as long as it's not on empty calories.'

Weight loss clinic, in and out doors.

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

'Every time I go on a diet, some kind of physiological disturbance kicks in that sends me off on a feeding frenzy.'

Fantasy Diet League

'The little woman hide the remote control, and I've lost ten pounds looking for it!'

"You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude."

"Don't worry, I shall be putting an exclamation mark after it."