Light-hearted Dieter Gifts

'You're right. I should watch what I eat. From now on, I'll leave the refrigerator door open so the light shines on my midnight snack.'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'Tomorrow we'll just have lettuce and water, OK.'

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

"He tried intermittent fasting. But settled on continual slowing."

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

"I bought a metric scale. I'll no longer be disappointed with my weight because I won't know what it means."

"Don't forget to deduct 2 pounds for my clothes and 5.5 ounces for my phone."

'Every time I go on a diet, some kind of physiological disturbance kicks in that sends me off on a feeding frenzy.'

Weight loss clinic, in and out doors.

'The little woman hide the remote control, and I've lost ten pounds looking for it!'

'Fancy a liquid lunch?'

Fantasy Diet League

'Super size mine. Who knows when Mr. Money Bags will take me out grazing again.'

'With a grin like that you can't be sticking to your diet'

'I don't mind pigging out as long as it's not on empty calories.'

"You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude."

There's a thin person inside me trying to get out...probably more than one.

The Fast Diet

"Don't worry, I shall be putting an exclamation mark after it."

'I lost twelve pounds.'

'I'm on three different diets. That way I get to eat more.'

Overweight Woman Cheating On Scales.