Light-hearted Dieter Gifts

'You're right. I should watch what I eat. From now on, I'll leave the refrigerator door open so the light shines on my midnight snack.'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

Weight Watchers: StOUT and thIN Desk Organizers

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Man with a pizza in 'Lover's Lane.'

"Dear Diary... I've stopped smoking, and I'm sticking to my diet."

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

'Tomorrow we'll just have lettuce and water, OK.'

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

Snacking on yourself causes NO net weight gain!!!

"He tried intermittent fasting. But settled on continual slowing."

"I said, I'm on a garlic diet. So far, I've lost 5 pounds and 12 friends."

Maude finally gets rid of her giant ass.

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

No wonder I feel so bloated. They said this was No. Cal.'

"I bought a metric scale. I'll no longer be disappointed with my weight because I won't know what it means."

"Don't forget to deduct 2 pounds for my clothes and 5.5 ounces for my phone."

Fantasy Diet League

'The little woman hide the remote control, and I've lost ten pounds looking for it!'

"You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude."

'Every time I go on a diet, some kind of physiological disturbance kicks in that sends me off on a feeding frenzy.'

Weight loss clinic, in and out doors.

Are you sticking with your resolution to lose weight? No, the South Beach diet wasn't working for me --- I hate sand in my food.

The Fast Diet

'Fancy a liquid lunch?'

There's a thin person inside me trying to get out...probably more than one.

'With a grin like that you can't be sticking to your diet'

'Super size mine. Who knows when Mr. Money Bags will take me out grazing again.'

'I don't mind pigging out as long as it's not on empty calories.'

"Don't worry, I shall be putting an exclamation mark after it."