Dieter With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

'Fancy a liquid lunch?'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

'Looking at the stars makes me feel small. I'm going off of my diet.'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

'No! No! - it's an ELASTIC band I want!'