Comical Dieter Gifts

The battle of the bulges,

"Oh well. . . another New Year's resolution shot!"

"I start my diets with the best intentions, but when I see these legs and feet splashing around I go crazy!"

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

"No matter how much gelato, pizza and tiramisu I eat, I gain weight. This Mediterranean diet just isn't working."

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

Weight Gain Denial

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

"Is it working?"

How Wafer-Thin Mints Stay Thin.

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'