Diet Humor Gifts

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

'Does it come in soy lite?'

'My doc suggested that I eat more veggies. Can you tell me where I can find the steaks - broccoli flavour?'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The customer is always right...'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

Weight Gain Denial

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"Is it working?"

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

Squirrels eating different types of nuts.