Diet Humor Fan Gifts

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Half & Halfway House

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

Food guide.

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

'Does it come in soy lite?'

"Well, it's like they say; 230 is the new 180."

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

My budgie likes Mars bars.

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

'No! No! - it's an ELASTIC band I want!'

Excess Baggage: From the 'Travel Promises that never meant to be kept' department.

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.