Diet Satire Fan Gifts

'Trans fat will do that.'

"Two vegans, please."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

'Does it come in soy lite?'

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

My budgie likes Mars bars.

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

Excess Baggage: From the 'Travel Promises that never meant to be kept' department.

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

'I hate it when they take the food pyramid, mix it all together and serve it in a trough!'

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."