Dieting Humor Fan Gifts

'Forget about it - we'll never get a lite slop around here.'

My budgie likes Mars bars.

"Be it fever or cold, Mr Goldsmith, in your case, I think we should starve them both."

"Have you bee dieting? I swear you're thinner!"

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Weight Gain Denial

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

"Is it working?"

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'

'Does it come in soy lite?'

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'