Diet Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

When I said you needed a varied diet I didn't mean just all 12 varieties of 'Krispy snax'

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The customer is always right...'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

Weight Gain Denial

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

Before and After Holiday Diet

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

"Is it working?"

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

Squirrels eating different types of nuts.