Dietary Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Vegetation makes up the bulk of my diet, but I supplement it with vegetarians.'

"Two vegans, please."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

"Well, then - two apples a day."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

'Does it come in soy lite?'

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

My budgie likes Mars bars.

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

'I hate it when they take the food pyramid, mix it all together and serve it in a trough!'

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'Looking at the stars makes me feel small. I'm going off of my diet.'