Dietary Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Vegetation makes up the bulk of my diet, but I supplement it with vegetarians.'

"Two vegans, please."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

The Official Covid-19 Diet

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Well, then - two apples a day."

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

'Does it come in soy lite?'

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

My budgie likes Mars bars.

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

Good news! We determined the hair in your vegan soup is from the chef's fake fur coat!

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'