Diet Humor Aficionado Pillows

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

When I said you needed a varied diet I didn't mean just all 12 varieties of 'Krispy snax'

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

Weight Gain Denial

'No, it's not water. You seem to be retaining food.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

'I'm afraid I can't accept that excuse Mrs Hart. It isn't possible to inhale second hand calories.'

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

"Is it working?"

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'It's a middle-age spread spread.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

'Live there? I might as well wear it on my hips!'