Diet Humor Lover Pillows

'No thanks, I'm on a strict grandmother diet.'

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

Hungry man chasing elephant with knife and fork

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

"I can't wait for neolithic to start. I am sick of this paleo diet."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

"Well, it's like they say; 230 is the new 180."

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

'Does it come in soy lite?'

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

My budgie likes Mars bars.

'No! No! - it's an ELASTIC band I want!'

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'