Diet Humor Lover Pillows

'No thanks, I'm on a strict grandmother diet.'

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

Hungry man chasing elephant with knife and fork

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

"I can't wait for neolithic to start. I am sick of this paleo diet."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'The customer is always right...'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

'Does it come in soy lite?'

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

My budgie likes Mars bars.

Excess Baggage: From the 'Travel Promises that never meant to be kept' department.

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

'Looking at the stars makes me feel small. I'm going off of my diet.'