Diet Joke Lover Pillows

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

'Does it come in soy lite?'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

My budgie likes Mars bars.

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

"How do you do it, Doris? You eat eighty pounds of grass a day, and still manage to look so slim!"

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

Excess Baggage: From the 'Travel Promises that never meant to be kept' department.

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

Buoyancy Weight

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

At little Jessica's tea party, nobody ate a bite, claiming they were stuffed

Overweight Man Crashes Through Ceiling

"What!! I get hungry standing around all day."

'A table near the food, please.'

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'