Diet Joke Lover Pillows

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

"Well, it's like they say; 230 is the new 180."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

Sick Of A Low-Carb Diet

'Does it come in soy lite?'

I've been trying to cut back on my salt intake. I'd also like to do that, but unfortunately, my main source of salt comes from tears streaming into my mouth.

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

My budgie likes Mars bars.

"I'm on the whisky diet - I've lost 3 days already..."

Buoyancy Weight

"How do you do it, Doris? You eat eighty pounds of grass a day, and still manage to look so slim!"

Excess Baggage: From the 'Travel Promises that never meant to be kept' department.

"Can you get on the scale please? I'm on a diet and need to monitor my food intake..."

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

"It looks like there is too much dairy in your diet."

Excess Baggage: If calories consumed on vacation don't count, then little creatures must sneak into your room at night to shrink your clothes.

At little Jessica's tea party, nobody ate a bite, claiming they were stuffed

'Not that we don't appreciate the popcorn, but how about something low-carb next time?'

Overweight Man Crashes Through Ceiling

'A table near the food, please.'

"It's glutton-free."