Dietary Jokester Pillows

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

"It's glutton-free."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Two vegans, please."

Bangers and Mash

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

The Official Covid-19 Diet

'The customer is always right...'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'I warned you about stuffing yourself with carbs, didn't I?'

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

Yes, the salad was vegan. In fact, we even offered it first to all the bunnies in the area, each of whom insisted that, no, he was quite full, and he'd like you to have it.

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

"Well, it's like they say; 230 is the new 180."