Dietary Jokester Pillows

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"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

Bangers and Mash

"Two vegans, please."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'The customer is always right...'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

"I'm on a diet, how many calories in a fly?"

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

'It's a simple matter of checks and balances: your waistline has spread and your brain has shrunk.'

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

'I try to eat a varied diet. One day I'll eat dark chocolate, one day I'll eat white chocolate and one day I'll eat milk chocolate.'

Maybe yuou simply have too many omega 3 fatty acids

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

"There were days he could kill for a piece of tofu."

'I've got rotten teeth and you need glasses, ironic does not even cover it!'

"None of our items are gluten-free, but they are prepared by people who are."

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."